1. When your child catches you knocking back Father Christmas’ favourite tipple on Christmas Eve.

2. When during your impressive twerking routine at the Christmas party you realise that your skirt is tucked in your knickers. Again.

3. When your mother-in-law offers to help you sieve the gravy.

4. When you start to believe that socks really are a great Christmas present.

5. When your child declares ‘babyccino’ to be the son of God when answering the vicar’s question during your local church’s crib service.

6. When you decide that home-made gifts really do make the best presents,resulting in burnt chutney, bendy gingerbread and a kitchen that would make Mary Berry weep.

7. When the highlight of your festive TV season is the Peppa Pig Christmas special.

8. When buying new Christmas lights is preferable to untangling the ones you carelessly stuffed back into the box last January. 

9. When some joker decides to give the dog sprouts.

10. When Granny decides to act out ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ during charades.

11. When your mother misinterprets your request for boots and instead of the knee-high beauties you’ve been coveting, buys you a pair of Dunlop wellies.

12. When you decide to make egg nog. And realise that any drink with ‘egg’ in the title really is as disgusting as it sounds.

Avoid all of these and you might just be in for the perfect Christmas – enjoy, my friends!